


By Your Side

by Sometimes_Quickly_1811



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-06-04 09:05:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6651568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sometimes_Quickly_1811/pseuds/Sometimes_Quickly_1811
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sequel to “I Can’t Lose You,” this story follows the blossoming relationship between Ali and Ash, as well as the healing processes of everyone affected by the brunette’s accident. In this epic tale of surviving, Ali and Ash try to live in the present instead of the past. Will they prevail, or will they crash and burn?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's back back back...back again...
> 
> For any new readers who may fancy this story, you might want to check out my other completed work called "I Can't Lose You" before you read this! :)

_Ali is awake._

 

The thought is unbelievable, extraordinary even. It’s hard to comprehend that an accident worth five years of relentless damage and heartache can be dissolved into only just one, minute-long miracle. As earth-shatteringly fast as the accident occurred, the forward momentum of _surviving_ seems to happen faster. Suddenly, the endless hours of time and care provided by family, friends, doctors, and nurses are pushed to the wayside. The only thing anyone will talk about or remember for the next several days, weeks, or even months, is that she is surviving on her own.

 

All memories of the accident will be buried under sticky-sweet ice cream cones, crockpots and casseroles of home-cooked foods hand-delivered by an onslaught of overwhelming neighbors, zinc-infused sunscreen for extra sensitive skin, droopy shade trees on breezy afternoons, and an infinite amount of love.

 

The blood-curdling, gut-wrenching screams of shredded metal and shattered glass are forgotten. Nights spent curled up in the most uncomfortable waiting-room chairs, living off of vending machine coffee and chips are forgotten. The moment doctors and nurses gathered around her family and friends to discuss the life-altering _options_ are forgotten. Days spent questioning the moral consequences of unplugging a daughter, sister, friend, are forgotten.

 

Ali is _alive_.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

People come and go, enter and exit, stay and leave throughout the week after Ali’s miraculous moment. She’s seen plenty of her mom, dad, and brother, plus all of her friends from D.C. And of course, who can forget her pending teammates of the USWNT. Her worlds are colliding as the old faces she is reconnecting with mesh with the new faces she is just coming to know, one of those new faces being Ashlyn’s.

 

In some respect, it seems that Ali has had plenty of time to get to know the charming blonde. And while none of it may have actually been real, there’s no denying that the inner workings of the brunette’s imagination have led to the emotional connectedness that she feels with Ashlyn. Let’s just say that their seemingly instant bond is in no danger of breaking anytime soon. In the week that Ali has been awake, Ashlyn has not left her side. Not that Ali had given her much of a choice. The words, _“I’ve waited five years to meet you. I’ll be right here, by your side when you’re ready,”_ play on a harmoniously loop in the brunette’s head and she smiles at the sweet gesture.

 

“Whatcha smiling at princess?” she hears the blonde say from beside her.

 

“Princess?” Ali questions, quirking an eyebrow. She’s received many nicknames from the blonde throughout the week—Mumbles, Brown-Eyed-Pea, Kween Kriegs, to name a few. Ali thinks she’s ridiculous, but welcomes the humor and much needed distraction. It gives her a chance to laugh and smile, instead of think about the throngs of people crying over her awakening.

 

“It sorta fits don’t ya think?” the blonde remarks. “Kween was just too advanced of a title for you. Can’t let your ego explode before you get to leave the hospital.”

 

Ali giggles and shoves the blonde’s shoulder, which gets Ashlyn to turn and face her in mock offense. They both let their eyes settle on one another momentarily. Ashlyn’s gaze is soft; her hazel eyes shine brightly and the lone dimple in her left cheek makes Ali’s heart flutter.

 

A cocktail of quick beeps and buzzes grab both Ali and Ashlyn’s attention. They look to the heart rate monitor the brunette is still connected to just as one of the regular nurses comes rushing in.

 

“Ali!” she calls out exasperatedly, with undertones of intense worry. “Oh…you’re…fine…” the nurse quickly steadies her racing pulse as she sees Ali and Ashlyn propped up in bed, side by side. The guilty smile on Ali’s face is enough to make the nurse sigh in relief. The brunette discretely nods towards Ashlyn, and glances back at the nurse giving her a _telling_ look.

 

“Okayyyy,” the nurse draws out while looking at the two women. Ashlyn looks more confused than normal, cocking her head to the side like an adorable puppy. Ali covers her face with the hand that isn’t connected to any wires and silently groans in embarrassment. “Let me just…check your vitals,” the nurse continues as she makes her way towards Ali’s side of the bed. The brunette peeks her eyes out from between the fingers covering her eyes and catches the nurse winking at her.

 

“Ugh,” Ali mumbles from behind her hand.

 

“What was that princess?” the blonde asks, still confused, and slightly concerned about all of the commotion that’s happening in the room. The nurse eyes Ali knowingly, as if to say, “ _princess…really?”_

“Nothing, nothing everything’s fine,” Ali quickly rattles off, smiling at the blonde.

 

“Well you’re right about that…” the nurse says coolly, “…Your vitals are suddenly fine,” she says again gazing at Ali with a questioning smirk.

 

“Uhhh…mm…sorry?” Ali says in a tiny voice, trying to act as cute as possible to weasel her way out of this one.

 

“Mhmm…” the nurse says with a knowing look and moves to exit the room. “Take care of her Ash?” the nurse calls back in to the blonde.

 

“It would be my absolute pleasure,” Ash says while gently slinging her arm around Ali’s shoulders and pulling her closer just slightly. The nurse giggles and sends in another wink, which just about mortifies Ali. She can already feel her cheeks burning red, but thankfully, the blonde doesn’t seem to notice. Or if she does, she keeps it to herself, which Ali is also thankful for.

 

When the nurse finally closes the door, Ash removes her arm from Ali’s shoulders. The brunette instantly misses the warmth of her half embrace, but is also slightly grateful because she isn’t sure she can survive having Ashlyn so close so soon.

 

“So…” she hears the blonde say, breaking the silence.

 

“Yeah?” Ali says, looking up shyly to meet Ashlyn’s eyes.

 

“Would you wanna go out sometime?” the blonde says in a rush of sudden emotion.

 

Ali gulps. Feeling her cheeks begin to tint with blush again.

 

“Uhm…I’m sorta…tied up at the moment…” Ali says, gesturing to the wires connected to her hand and chest. Her comment luckily breaks the tension that was beginning to fill the room.

 

“I meant when you get out. I thought a change of scenery might be nice.” Ashlyn tries to act calm. “If…if you don’t want to, I-I totally get it. I just, I thought…” she begins to ramble when Ali holds her hand up.

 

“Okay sure,” the brunette says confidently.

 

“For real?” the blonde reiterates, just to make sure she heard her correctly.

 

“That nurse is something else I swear,” Ali mumbles under her breath just low enough that Ashlyn has a hard time hearing her.

 

“What was that?” she asks.

 

“Oh nothing, don’t worry,” Ali answers quickly and gives the blonde another one of her signature Krieger smiles. Just before Ashlyn can think of a response, Ali speaks again. “So, what did you have in mind?”

 

Ashlyn just chuckles lightly. “My lips are sealed princess.”

 

“You’re the worst,” Ali giggles and rolls her eyes.

 

“This is nothing,” Ashlyn retorts as she sticks her tongue out at the brunette playfully.

 

“But I’ve waited five years to meet you,” the brunette says batting her eyelashes at the blonde. “And, thanks to my loopy self, upon waking up I told you how beautiful you are,” Ali says trying to guilt the blonde. “Which by the way…super embarrassing. Cut a girl some slack would ya.”

 

“I like your loopy self,” Ashlyn says nonchalantly.

 

“Ashlynnnn,” Ali whines playfully.

 

“Sorry princess, you’ll just have to wait,” the blonde winks and flashes a dimpled grin at an eager brunette. “Oh shoot, I have to go!” Ashlyn says when she catches a glimpse of the time. She slips off of the bed and begins rushing around to gather her things. At the doorjamb she stops on a dime, like she forgot something important. She spins on her heels and sees that Ali has curled herself into a ball looking slightly hopeless, but nonetheless, adorable.

 

The blonde makes her way back to Ali, who seems to perk up at the sudden reappearance of Ash.

 

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Ash says as she leans down as places a quick kiss to the brunette’s temple.

 

“Tomorrow?” she hears the brunette’s small voice ask.

 

“You know it,” Ash says easily. “Remember, always by your side.” She makes her way out of the door, and Ali watches it close gently.

 

She is alone again.

 

And she is lonely.

 

But being alone, and being lonely are two very different emotions. Ali hasn’t decided if there is a lesser of the two evils yet.

 

She is sure though, that when Ashlyn is around, she is neither alone, nor lonely.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small update before we really dive in :)

Like Ashlyn had promised, she went back to the hospital the next day to visit Ali. And every day after that up until Ali was _finally_ being released.

 

The brunette is ditching the wires and tubes, IV drips and monitors, bandages and staples and stitches alike, doctors and nurses that she has come to know like old pals. Her reality for so many years, clouded by imagination and nightmares and intense reruns of General Hospital, now only exists to lead Ali down a path of positive recovery, of renewing lost relationships, and longing to, again, begin on her journey of living.

 

Throngs of people line the halls of her hospital wing, cheering lightly and offering smiles as the brunette’s wheelchair rolls toward the exit. Balloons are floating in an upward ascension to the hospital heavens with helium-induced wonder, shiny and crinkly and wishing Ali well upon the path before her. She does her best to look grateful, and smiles as Kyle pushes her toward the exit. While Ali is beyond any words of gracious recognition regarding the amount of support she is receiving, all she really wants is to feel normal again.

 

Sort of hard to do when there’s confetti and streamers and “Welcome Home Ali” banners seemingly hung every fifteen feet. She feels more like a parade float than a person at this point. But even so, in all of her colorful glory, she does her best to wear a smile happily because she knows her family and friends are all watching. They’re watching her like she’s live on Thanksgiving Day, and they’re all under the intense anticipation of something horrible happening, like say, her popping.

 

But Ali doesn’t pop. She makes it through the hospital doors just fine, smelling the crisp spring air for the first time in what feels like forever. And to make matters even better, a very tall, and very blonde knight in shining armor ( _a silver, unlimited edition Jeep Wrangler_ ) awaits.

 

“Hi princess, lovely day for a ride isn’t it?” Ash calls out through the passenger side window. Ali giggles and ducks her head to hide the fact that she’s blushing so intensely. She looks up at Kyle, silently asking permission to go with the blonde beauty.

 

“Mom and dad only panicked for the first hour,” he says with a chuckle while lightly squeezing his sister’s shoulder. “Go on.”

 

“You’re the best, you know that?” Ali says, looking up at Kyle again, smile wide.

 

“Yeah, yeah I know,” he begins. “Let’s get you up then shall we?”

 

“Kyle…I’m fine…I got this,” Ali says suddenly serious. She’s had to depend on others for five years of her life. Today she wants to experience living freely, without restrictions.

 

“Okay…” he says somewhat hesitantly and lets go of her shoulder. He does, however, lock the wheelchair into place because if he’s sure of anything, it’s that his sister is stubborn and forgetful.

 

“Thanks,” she mumbles softly before using all the strength she has to push up from her sitting position. While her waking up is an incredible feat in itself, she still has a long road ahead of her.

 

Ash puts the Jeep in park just as she sees Ali move to stand…on her own. She’s thankful that she raced around to help the brunette because, knowing Ali, she forbid everyone else from helping.

 

“Can I escort you to your chariot madam?” Ash says in a ridiculous accent that has the brunette in a fit of giggles and smiles.

 

“Oh, why of course,” Ali retorts and easily slips her arm through Ashlyn’s extended one. The blonde walks them slowly to the passenger side, while discretely throwing a wink over her shoulder to Kyle.

 

“Damn she’s good…” Kyle mumbles with an eye roll.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

They aren’t far down the road from the hospital before Ashlyn senses that something is very wrong. The woman sitting next to her looks as tense as a board, and hasn’t said one word since the car was shifted into ‘drive’.

 

“Ali…” Ashlyn says softly, trying to be a calming presence. But the brunette’s mind is elsewhere. Her mind is focused on the harsh rumble of the pavement beneath the Jeep’s tires, the scrunching sound of her legs on the seats ever time she shifts nervously, the small pebbles flying up at the windshield that go unnoticed by Ashlyn, but make Ali freeze in panic. Red lights are the worst. This one is making her sweat and wiggle around, her eyes darting around the road for any oncoming vehicles.

 

“Ali?” she hears the blonde’s voice more clearly this time.

 

“Huh?” she snaps out of her daze. “What…I’m sorry…I-I…” she tries, but the words just can’t find their way out.

 

“Ali…it’s okay,” Ashlyn’s voice sounds like a cool, calm breeze.

While the light remains red, Ali nervously bounces her leg up and down, and tries to focus on anything but the cars that are whizzing past her. Anxiousness is bubbling deep in the pit of her stomach; she chews her nails absentmindedly, like it’s been a habit of hers forever.

 

Ali is broken from her trance, jumping slightly when she feels a gentle touch to her arm.

 

“Sorry, I-I didn’t mean to scare you,” the blonde says.

 

“No…it’s…it’s okay Ash,” Ali answers and smiles at the woman driving.

 

The light turns green and Ashlyn begins to accelerate slowly through the light.

_“Ali?” his voice sounds so small and loving in that split second of a moment. You see his deep brown eyes in the glint of the setting sun. And just beyond your gaze, past your handsome brother, through the passenger side window, you see a pair of high beams hurtling toward your car with increasing speed._

_And there is nothing you can do. It happens so fast you can’t even tell him that you love him, and that you’re so sorry._

_As the semi smashes into the passenger’s side, you hear the crunching and twisting of metal and bones. Red spills onto the pavement like a sea of blood. You roll and flip and hang upside down, trying not to inhale shattering glass. The material from your seatbelt is leaving burn marks on your neck and chest as it digs and digs and digs to keep you in place. Left upside down in a world of blackness, the last thing you remember thinking is “please let him be okay.”_

_Kyle is pulled from the vehicle, which looks more like a crushed pop can now._

_He is alive._

_And you are so thankful that it is he who is the miracle._

_Not you._

Ali doesn’t even realize she’s crying and hunched over in her seat before Ash pulls her from her memory.

 

“Hey, shhh…you’re okay,” her gentle voice says. The car is stopped. Ali feels a hand on her back rubbing soothing patterns into the soft fabric of her shirt.

 

“I-I…I’m s-sorry,” Ali chokes out just barely as more tears rush down her face.

 

“Don’t apologize, it’s okay…just breathe,” the blonde says genuinely. She helps guide the brunette into a breathing exercise to calm her down.

 

“Ima mess,” the brunette mumbles and begins to wipe her tears with a napkin the blonde gives her.

 

“But a cute mess,” Ash says, which earns a playful glare from Ali. They lock eyes momentarily and Ash shows off her dimple, which gets Ali to smile.

 

“Stahhppp,” Ali whines cutely, which gets a chuckle out of Ash.

 

“Sorry princess,” she says. “So we only have a bit further to go. You gunna be okay?”

 

“Oh…uh…uhm…y-yeah I…I’ll be good.” Ashlyn can tell Ali is hesitant so she takes a risk.

 

Ashlyn lets her right hand rest open, palm side up, on the center console. She glances at Ali, meeting her eyes, and then glances back down to her own hand. This causes the brunette to giggle and smile widely, tongue between her teeth. Ali let’s their hands touch slowly, fingers intertwining with nervous energy. She can feel her own cheeks heating up, and thinks maybe Ashlyn’s are too.

 

“You can squeeze if you get nervous, okay?” the blonde says sweetly, giving Ali a small smile.

 

The brunette feels the heat rise to her chest. She clears her throat lightly. “Uh huh.”

 

Hands tangled together and electric fire running through both of their veins, they take off to their destination. Ali feels much more at ease. The overwhelming sense of panic that was there before has now subsided to a manageable level.

 

She only squeezes Ashlyn’s hand twice, but it doesn’t go unnoticed by Ali when the blonde breaks out into a cute smile. So she thinks maybe next time, if there is a next time, she will squeeze it more often.

 

And maybe, just maybe, a little harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you're liking this, if you'd like me to write about anything specific, etc etc. Much love to you all!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies it's been so long. I have not given up. I think about this story every day, but I own a company and have a big part in keeping it running soundly. I have had zero time to write, but had a little grace period this morning! I hope you'll stick with me. xoxo

Neither Ashlyn nor Ali can remember the last time they felt such a strong bond, an immeasurable gravitational pull towards another person before. Whether it was in Ali’s dreams, her hospital room, or right here in Ashlyn’s Jeep, one of them is seemingly always within the other’s reach. 

They sit in the back of Ashlyn’s Jeep overlooking the cliffs. The sky is painted in hues of red and orange as the sun begins to set over the twinkling lights of the city below. Their feet dangle over the edge of the trunk, suspended in the breezy nighttime air, and kicking back and forth, back and forth in harmonious synchronization. 

“We’re married,” Ashlyn jokes, never taking her eyes off of the setting sun. Ali’s swinging legs stop. 

“Huh?” she questions, thinking that perhaps the beautiful, picturesque moment is going to the blonde’s head. 

“Our legs…you know…married…” Ashlyn tries to jog the brunette’s memory. “Come on Al.”

“You sound crazy…what are you talking about?” Ali laughs gently. 

“You’ve never heard of that before?” Ash asks in disbelief. Ali raises an eyebrow to test the blonde. 

Ash can only smirk in response, letting the lone dimple in her left cheek come out to play. 

“I’ve been in a coma for five years Ashlyn,” Ali says with a playful eye roll, though the blonde can tell there is some truth behind her exasperated gesture. The smirk that was once on her lips has disappeared just slightly. She often forgets that Ali has been through a massive trauma, and survived. The brunette’s memory goes through fuzzy moments, the forgetfulness a blatant reminder of her brain injuries she sustained in the accident five years ago. 

If Ali can’t remember that two pairs of legs, arms, bodies, etc., swinging together in perfect synchronization is written in the ‘Unofficial Playground Handbook’ as the equivalent to the pair of swinging individuals being married, then she would remind her. 

Ashlyn would remind her of the little things that she can no longer remember, or that come in a little fuzzy like black and white TVs from ages ago. In her mind it’s worth the reminder, just to see Ali’s face light up in the wonderment of learning something ‘new.’ If a small reminder every day allows Ali to see in color again, the repetition is worth every repeated word or phrase or sentence. 

“Hey,” Ash nudges Ali’s shoulder with her own, getting the brunette’s attention. While Ali looks over to meet hazel eyes, she quickly drops her own back into lap again. So the blonde reaches out and tilts the brunette’s chin up with her hand so that they are looking at one another again. 

Ali sucks her bottom lip in between her teeth and falters slightly under the blonde’s intense stare.   
“It’s okay to be afraid Al,” she hears the blonde say. “I’m right here by your side, remember?” 

That’s all it takes for the dam to open. Ali can’t hold back her sobs anymore and she breaks completely under Ashlyn’s gaze. Crumbling into the warm embrace of the taller girl, Ali grips Ash’s t-shirt tightly and lets her tears soak through the soft fabric. She feels a gentle hand rub up and down her back in a calming motion. 

“That’s j-just it,” Ali says through tearful words. “I c-can’t remember a-anything!”

That truly breaks Ash’s heart. In the weeks that they’ve spent time together and gotten to know one another, they’ve treaded lightly on the more intense subjects. Not wanting to rush Ali to talk about things she wasn’t ready to, Ash let their newly forming friendship flow freely. She didn’t press things, just like she didn’t press Ali for answers on her memory problem. The blonde is smart, she knew about Ali’s injuries from overhearing the hushed conversations of doctors and nurses. The brunette had a long road to full recovery, but that is not to say that she won’t recover. 

She will recover. And Ashlyn will help her. 

\-------------------------

“So, will you tell me more about our marriage?” Ali asks cutely, wiping the remaining tears from her eyes. She’s feeling much better, but she couldn’t bring herself to leave Ashlyn’s tight embrace. Her head is still resting against Ashlyn’s chest, but now she can hear the steady beat and thump of the blonde’s heart. 

She closes her eyes, relaxing completely. 

Ash smiles and begins. “So like…if you’re swinging side by side with someone and your swings sync up…then you’d be ‘married.’ I just applied it to this for fun.” 

Ali doesn’t respond right away. She wants to live in this moment with Ashlyn for as long as she can. Nestled together in the back of the blonde’s Jeep watching the sun dip below the darkening horizon. It’s picture perfect. 

Almost. 

“Okay, but what happens when your swings aren’t in sync anymore?” Ali asks, as she stops the swinging of her own legs to make a point, causing the blonde to laugh gently. Ali may be overanalyzing the idea of their ‘marriage,’ but she likes to tease Ashlyn too much to pass up on the opportunity. 

“I would assume you’d be divorced at that point, but it’s never been discussed officially in the ‘Unofficial Playground Handbook,’” the blonde says teasing Ali right back. 

Their playful banter mellows out when they go back to swinging their legs, and this time it isn’t lost on Ali when they sync up again. She let’s her mind wonder what life might be like if she were married to Ashlyn. 

Pretty hot, that’s for sure, she thinks. 

\-----------------

“Princess,” Ali hears the faint whisper intruding on her dream. She smiles, but does not open her eyes. 

“Ali, Al come on,” the voice calls out again, sounding louder this time. Ali starts to shift and come to. 

Then she feels the warmth of two arms, the softness of a t-shirt, the closeness of a body who can only presumably be Ashlyn’s. 

Her eyes pop open and she looks around slightly startled. 

“Oh my god, I’m sorry,” the brunette says before a big yawn hits her. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep!”

“It’s okay princess, you’ve had a big day,” the blonde says looking down at cinnamon colored irises. 

“Was I asleep long?” Ali questions shyly, thinking about how Ashlyn has been holding her against her chest this whole time. 

“Considering it’s 4am…” Ashlyn begins, but is cut off quickly by a screech. 

“WHAT!” The brunette’s eyes open even wider than before, shock written in her expression. She pushes up from her slouched position on Ashlyn and starts wiggling around like she’s hunting for gold. 

“Al, Al slow down, what are you doing?” Ashlyn asks, trying to hide the amusement in her voice. 

“What am I doing?” Ali exclaims. “What are you doing still sitting here? I have to go home!” 

Ashlyn can’t take it anymore and breaks out into a fit of giggles. Ali furrows her brow, thinking this isn’t the time or place for Ashlyn to be making fun of her.   
“God, what now?” Ali says exasperatedly, and Ashlyn can tell she may have struck a cord with the brunette. 

She collects herself and begins to explain. “Al, I’m sorry, but, but,” the blonde begins to giggle again, only to make Ali furrow her brow further. “Right, right, sorry. Just look at your phone.” The blonde nods her head in the direction where the Ali’s phone is lying. The brunette twists around gently to reach for her phone, lighting up the home screen when she taps the circular button. 

“10:44pm” Ali says out loud, the confusion evident in her voice. The blonde smirks. “Ash?” the smaller girls questions with a raised eyebrow. 

“Gosh, you’re gullible when you first wake up,” she teases and receives a smack on the arm from a fiery brunette. 

“Ugh!” Ali lets a deep groan. “You’re the worst!” They’re both laughing at the situation once Ali’s pulse returns to a normal speed. 

“I was only asleep for ten minutes,” she says, giggling at how ridiculous she acted, thinking she had been asleep for several hours. 

“I think that’s a side effect,” Ash says nonchalantly. 

“Maybe you’re right. After all I did get pretty good at sleeping.” Ash smiles just slightly less than normal, but Ali picks up on it right away. The blonde’s dimple doesn’t show like it normally does and the brunette immediately knows something is off. 

“I’m sorry, too soon?” Ali asks shyly. Ash looks down at her and connects their eyes; she gives Ali a soft, real smile this time, one that puts her cute little dimple on full display. 

“No, no that’s okay, it’s just weird I guess,” she says in a small voice of her own. “Sometimes I wonder what things would be like if—“

“—if I never woke up, yeah I think about that too,” Ali jumps in quickly. Daring to make a bold move to let the blonde know that she’s here, awake, and most importantly alive, she grabs Ash’s hand and intertwines their fingers together. 

The gesture causes Ash to raise her brow in question, though not in a negative way. She’s intrigued by the brunette’s sudden move. 

“You told me I could squeeze your hand when I get nervous,” Ali starts to say while she grips the blonde’s hand just a little tighter. The warm heat coursing from palm to palm causes both girl’s cheeks to heat up with an anxious energy. 

“See, you do have a good memory,” the blonde smiles and winks, causing Ali laugh brightly. 

“This is okay then?” the brunette asks. 

“This,” Ash looks down at their linked hands and smiles shyly, “is more than okay.”

“Good,” Ali answers triumphantly, proud of her bold move. She strokes the top of the blonde’s hand with her thumb and smiles to herself before looking up into beautiful hazel eyes. 

“Can I ask what you’re nervous about though?” Ash asks when their eyes meet. 

Without missing a beat, Ali answers in a confident, yet shaky voice, “What I’m about to do next.”


	4. Chapter 4

They are suspended momentarily, both women releasing unsteady, shallow breaths into the nighttime air. It feels as though they are atop a giant ferris wheel, stuck. Hearts beat wildly, wings flapping faster than ever, wanting nothing more than to leap out into the night sky and soar like birds set free.

 

Often we believe that _attraction_ equals _physical_ attraction. That the overall sense of connection to a person stems from something physical that our brain notices, and as a first response, sends out a hyper alert to the rest of our being.

 

Rarely do we hear someone say that their heart is attracted to another persons, but that is what makes this notion even more beautiful. Lost are the warm, sugary brown eyes she has, or the blinding white smile. Lost are the intricate tattoo designs spreading like wildfire across her body. Lost is the swagger, the snapbacks, the dimple sinking in her left cheek. Lost is the way her eyes crinkle when she smiles.

 

Lost is the physical attraction.

 

Attraction of the heart relies heavily on a deep, emotional connection. It’s indescribable. It’s fate. It’s luck. It’s the feeling of free falling, having leapt off of that ferris wheel, knowing that you aren’t falling alone.

 

When you reach your landing place, she will be there.

 

And your heart will soar.

\-----------------------

Ali lets her free hand wander up the blonde’s neck. She trails a soft thumb across Ash’s tight jaw, relishing in the smoothness of her skin. The blonde closes her eyes when Ali’s fingers dance across the back of her neck, playing with the soft hairs that she finds.

 

“Al,” she breathes unsteadily.

 

When Ali doesn’t respond right away, Ashlyn thinks something is wrong. Maybe she spoke too soon. But when she opens her eyes and finds that the brunette is staring into her eyes with her heart clearly wide open, Ashlyn thinks again.

 

“Shhh…” Ali says softly, pulling the blonde in by the back of her neck. She’s slow, but deliberate in her efforts. Ashlyn doesn’t fight her, she lets it happen even though she has reservations.

 

Ali just got released from the hospital and has a long road to recovery. While Ash doesn’t want to hold that over someone’s head, she knows deep down that the brunette has yet to face her demons head on. There will be plenty of challenges.

 

But it’s too late for second-guessing now.

 

Their lips press together soundly, hearts fluttering fast. Ashlyn swears she hears a slight moan escape from the brunette’s lips, not that she would mind one bit. As Ali grips the back of the blonde’s neck even tighter, she lets her nails drag down across Ashlyn’s skin. Now it’s the blonde’s turn to release a soft moan as Ali continues to drag her hand down Ashlyn’s neck, finally stopping to rest flatly against her chest. She can feel Ashlyn’s heart beat through her soft t-shirt, and it automatically gives her a sense of safety.

 

Ashlyn dares to be a little bit bolder with Ali when she feels the brunette melt further into her gentle touch. So Ash lets hands and tongue do the work, letting Ali know exactly how she feels. Long fingers slowly rake up the brunette’s body, from thigh to side, eventually wrapping around Ali’s back so that she can pull her closer. Their tongues battle against one another, warm breaths escaping when they break apart ever so slightly.

 

The blonde finds her hands gripping Ali’s neck with a tender kind of affection, something that feels both familiar and disheartening at the same time. She lets her fingers slowly follow a raised bump in the form of a line that seems to travel from the base of Ali’s neck and up the back of her head. Ash doesn’t know where that line stops, and something inside of her is afraid to find out.

 

Too many memories of the (should be lifeless, if she’s being realistic) woman lying in a hospital bed, come flooding back.

 

“Ash, Ash,” she hears a soft voice calling out to her. She shakes herself from the thoughts consuming her mind and sees Ali’s worried expression. The brunette’s hand shoots to the back of her neck and rubs it gingerly.

 

That scar is the one thing that Ali does remember.

 

“Maybe you should take me home now,” she whispers in a small voice. The blonde stumbles trying to think of what to say, so instead she remain quiet.

 

“Is that what you want?” Ash asks softly after several minutes have passed. Ali looks up into her hazel eyes and looks as if she wants to cry.

 

“Please, just, just take me back,” Ali says before averting her gaze.

 

\-------------------

 

“You have your key right?” Ashlyn asks as they pull up in front of Ali’s parents house.

 

“Yep, right here,” Ali responds as she shows proof of the keys.

 

“Okay, good.”

 

“Well I better go,” Ali says.

 

“Here, let me help you,” Ash begins to make her way out her seat, but Ali’s words stop her.

 

“It’s okay, you’ve done enough already,” she says. It isn’t meant to be a dig, but it sounds bad the second it leaves her mouth. She knows Ashlyn is hurt by it from the pained expression clearly written across her face. She feels awful, but it’s too late now.

 

Ashlyn will be better off without someone as broken as Ali.

 

“Al,” the blonde says as she draws out her name with a sad sigh.

 

“It’s fine. Thanks for the ride Ash.” Ali carefully steps down from the Jeep and the blonde has a hard time not wincing as she goes, fearful that the brunette is going to fall without assistance.

 

When Ali is fully out of the Jeep she turns back to shut the door. Just before she does she gives the blonde a sad smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes like the smiles she showed off earlier in the day.

 

“I guess I’ll—“ Ash begins to say when the Jeep door is shut on her. “—see you never.” With a sigh the blonde lets her head hand down as her hands grip the wheel tightly. She’s trying not to cry; she doesn’t want to let Ali go.

 

It was all a big misunderstanding.

 

As she watches Ali unlock her front door and close it gently, never looking back towards the Jeep, she thinks this is what premature heartbreak must feel like.

 

Or maybe it isn’t premature at all. Maybe they were destined for one another.

 

To love and to fall and to fall out.

 

Only time will tell.


End file.
